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After five years of dating, I told my boyfriend that if he didn’t propose by Christmas, we were over.

At the time, I considered this less a threat and more a way to expedite the inevitable—marriage, family, an otherwise perfect union.

Who wants to get married to someone they have to threaten into marrying? It’s been about nine months since my demands were not met. We’ve engaged in dozens of fights and quarrels—the particularly bad ones escalate to days of silence or camping out on the couch.

We are still together, but our situation is tense and tentative and has all the fun of living by an active volcano.

I think after maybe about five more years, I would just be okay with not being married somehow. The endgame for me is to be with him no matter what...

I have never considered ending things and never will.” To Abby, her boyfriend is more important than a wedding, a marriage, and a piece of paper that says they’re legally bound. “Besides this one thing, we have a very fulfilled relationship.

Who’s to say that marriage is the best or only option? Look at how many people marry the wrong person, over and over again.

Yet society puts a stigma on those of us who aren’t married, as friends and family just add to the stress with constant inquiries: “What’s wrong with you? ” I am deeply familiar with this line of questioning. If we are in an otherwise happy, fulfilling, and committed relationship, is there still something bad or unhealthy about it?

She tells me it has been several years since she started voicing to her boyfriend how much she would like to get married. And she’ll wait longer if she has to: “As cliche as it is, [I’d wait] forever.

When I expressed my disappointment, he chided me for giving him an ultimatum at all. It didn’t matter that countless times before, he had actually said he wanted us to get married and or that he couldn’t imagine a future without me.

He saw me as an emotional terrorist holding our relationship hostage—and like the U. Nor did he acknowledge the fact that we were quickly approaching our mid-30s, nearing the end of my prime childbearing years. Don't Threaten Me As much as I’d like to play the victim in this situation, it is 100 percent my choice to stay in this relationship.

And she doesn’t press him either: “I feel scared to ask why.

Maybe I’m afraid of what the answer might be.” Abby and her boyfriend have shared major life events, including buying a home together, going on vacations, and adopting a dog.




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Many Christians are hesitant to write a personals ad, since they want to wait for God's guidance. After all, choosing your spouse is a choice for life. The monks used to say "ora et labora" — pray and work.


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