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It was all the acquaintances and strangers I didn’t want to have to chat with and explain my story, again and again, as profound changes began to take place in my life.

This idea of other people’s reactions became a major topic of conversation at grief support sessions.

However, they talked about death incessantly and developed rigid customs concerning mourning.

If one’s spouse or parent died, one wore black for a full year and then for six months, “half mourning” which meant gray for men and mauve for women.

If you do attend a “celebration” at a country club where liquor is served, go easy on it.

There may be smiles and slight laughs at a funeral as we remember the uniqueness of the person we are gathered to remember, but a Dean Martin-style roast it is not.” Before my loss, I never could have fathomed what it was like.I now grasp not knowing all the proper sensitive etiquette when tragedy steps in, and have compiled this list to help others: I am now a member of one of the most unwanted clubs in the world.Pat who had a friend tell her, “Get over it already, it’s been long enough,” told how she lost that friend when she said angrily, “I’m not ready.Don’t tell me how to feel.” And Rita M., whose friends avoided calling because she kept crying on the phone, eventually understood that they couldn’t cope with her intense grief, so she stopped taking those calls. How dare supposed friends act as they did, we thought collectively.




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