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Internalize the mantra: NO MORE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES! Put yourself in situations where you are more likely to meet men with similar goals and if you choose to “play along the way,” always practice responsible safe sex. Just being able to openly get support from another gay man on issues around my relationship and sharing this same common cultural ground really helped to make the experience that much more impactful.Gay Friends Date.com, is a revolution in gay dating. Like this guy, "Ted." I loved everything about him except his body. I even invoked the "Three Date Rule" to buy some time to let my emotional attraction morph into sexual desire.I tried to do the chick thing -- you know, have sex with a guy even though you're not physically attracted to them because they're kind and smart and loving and that's what you want in a man so what's a few minutes of Ugh-ness. I don't know how women do it, but if I'm not attracted to a guy physically I can't have sex with them no matter how emotionally attracted I am to them.Due to growing up in a homophobic society, most gay men as teenagers had to keep their sexualities hidden for fear of social backlash and further damage to their already shaky self-images.Some boys chose to distance themselves completely from dating, while others chose to date their female peers to more easily “fit in” and be accepted.Be proactive in getting what you want and take responsibility for what happens. Don’t stand on the sidelines hoping someone will make contact with you. Family and friends provide a much needed source of connection, love, and fun that can truly enhance your life as a single gay man. Be careful of casual sexual encounters if your goal is to meet a prospective life partner.Make that move yourself and choose to approach someone if you’re interested. A turn-down for a date has nothing to do with you as a person; it has everything to do with the other person’s projections and needs. Typically sexual release is the primary aim of such encounters, which can confuse and disillusion you to the type of men available, believing that gay men only want sex and nothing more significant or with depth. He was very supportive, understood the challenges in my life without judgment, and helped me to formulate my goals and reframe some of my self-defeating behaviors.

Relationships take hard work and conflict is actually a necessary precursor to deeper connection and intimacy.

"Well, you can't do anything at eleven o'clock at night on a weekday except have sex and go to sleep," he'd say. And so, whenever he asked me out he'd hear a knock on his door around eleven.

And thus, I was hurled into the basic gay dating dilemma: Do you have sex with someone you're physically but not emotionally attracted to? I remember him saying, "Let's do something, dinner, a movie." "I can't really do anything until eleven o'clock," I'd tell him.

I guess that's the main difference between men and women.

For men, intimacy is a consequence of sex; for women it's a pre-requisite.




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