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Everything depends upon the girl, and the spirit of the chaperonage she receives.

The relations with one's chaperon should be the most intimate and reliable and trustworthy of one's whole life; or they may be a mere farce and evasion.

It is, however, not the letter of the law but the spirit of it which saves.

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Maintaining relationships in the Victorian era meant deciphering the often bewildering code: How does a gentleman walk with a lady? “Make love” to Victorians meant instead chaste courtship or wooing. “You will avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, and save yourself from all further perplexity.”What about anonymous gifts from dudes? Nope: “When this is the case, it is a good way to put them by, out of sight, and never to mention them.”) Women, it is argued, prefer a “backward, awkward, and even a little uncouth” manly man over a “polite, agreeable dandy.” Men of the time were told to not frequent “the haunts of disreputable women” or spend time “ruining weak-minded girls,” but instead “harden your hands and smut your face at honest work.” In case the message wasn’t clear, the book also advises men to “engage in every manly exercise, so that all who look upon you will be compelled to say, ‘There is a man.’” (1860) says engaged men should not only “show constant attention” to their “bride-elect,” they should also “neither in company nor elsewhere... But there’s a Victorian twist: “On the other hand, he should avoid, even to his bride-elect, those marked attentions and endearments that would excite in strangers a smile of ridicule.”So no public displays of affection?

Romance blooms ~ At the Fancy Dress Ball of 1893 ~ It is sometimes permitted to a young woman to be escorted to a party or entertainment alone by a young man, but only by one who is well-known to the family...

It is sometimes permitted to a young woman to be escorted to a party or entertainment alone by a young man, but only by one who is well-known to the family as quite to be trusted, and only to such parties as are presided over by responsible patronesses.

When a group of young people go to some public place of amusement or instruction, an older person should always accompany them.

Such an attendant, who should be one of the fathers or mothers of the young people, if possible, would be in so great sympathy with the spirit of the group that his presence would impose no restraint and spoil no fun, yet it would be a curb on undue or undignified gaiety, and a protection against The day is not very far distant when it was expected that if a daughter entertained a young man in the drawing-room, her father or mother would be present during the whole of the call.




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